So Much LOVE

I never imagined falling in love all over again after such a horrible heartbreak. I swear I would close in and never attempt to be in the same old cycle of relationships but here I am today! I am feeling an extraordinary helpless feeling of loving someone with all of me. This time though I know it will never ever end. Scared as I might to look forward to tomorrow and be welcomed by all its changes, I feel armed and stronger that I have the best to help me through life’s surprises. It is true that love can be blind, but only when we fail to accept what can and what cannot be for our own good. If you choose to be unhappy despite all the chances to change that, then you have failed to give love to the one we should love the most and that is.. ourselves. I can say I no longer love with my eyes closed, no longer blinded by imperfections or things and attitudes that I can’t stand. Proudly, I say that my baby has opened my eyes to love with open eyes. Now I see beyond what’s right in front me and I can go on dealing with a misunderstanding face forward and not my back towards the other way. It is better to be in love together than secretly deal with what you can’t handle about the other on your own. I am in love in all the right ways and I know that this is more than temporary madness. I met the one I hope to be with forever and there is not a day that I do not wish to work harder for what we have and we are to have until forever ends.

Lahat ng tao deserving bigyan ng second chance kahit gaano pa kasakit ang ginawa niya sayo. Kung mahal mo pa siya, don’t hold back. Kung siya parin ang happiness mo, then go. Hindi naman masama kung gustuhin mong maging masaya ulit diba? Alam ko naman na kahit gaano kasakit ang napagdaanan mo nung naghiwalay kayo, siya parin ang kaisa-isang tao na may kakayahang pasayahin ka.

Diba nga sabi nila, kung sino pa yung nakapagpaiyak sayo, siya lang din ang kaisa isang tao na kayang magbigay ng dahilan para maging masaya ka.

Bigyan mo siya ng second chance, kung hindi magwork, atleast you tried. Atleast wala kang “WHAT IFs” sa huli.

“Ang kaibigan kasi yun yung mga taong masaya sa kung ano ang nararating mo, yung mga kaibigan yung mga taong hindi naiinggit sayo kundi natutuwa sa mga bagay na natapos mo, sila yung unang makakaappreciate ng kasiyahan mo.”

I think part of the reason why we hold onto something so tight for so long is because we fear that something so great will never happen twice.

After a breakup, especially after a long term relationship, one of the last things we usually want to think about is what we learned from it. Dealing with the pain and emotions is hard enough, but after awhile we may start to realize that even though the relationship didn’t work out, we learned a lot from it. I, personally can attest to that for having experienced it first-hand. It takes experiencing certain things to feel the full impact of the lessons and learn them the hard way.

And yes, indeed there were lessons after a breakup, below are some I learned for all that I’ve been thru exactly a year ago:

1. Being Single is Okay

I have been in a relationship for so long that I’m not sure how it felt being single. It’s a big adjustment to go from being one-half of a couple to now being on my own. Still, while I gone thru a breakup, I had learned a surprising amount of information about myself especially on what I really wanted to prioritize and achieve in my life. Being single is also much better than being in unhealthy relationship.

2. Love is Really Not Enough

When we’re young, many of us follow our heart first and think second about if it’s the right decision. As we get older, that starts to change but somewhere deep down we still carry the hope that maybe love really is enough. Unfortunately it is not - there are lines he may cross that even love can’t fix. And learning that has actually helped me. Love can do a lot - it can get us through some really tough times, yet sometimes it’s not all we need in a relationship. And I learned not to completely rely on the so-called, L-O-V-E . It really isn’t enough.

3. Communication and Trust Are Very Essential

A lack of trust or communication has led to many relationships falling apart. Many know this going into a relationship, but knowing and following through are two different things. After a breakup, I had thought about when I could have communicated better and when I should have trusted my now-ex, and yet I didn’t. (Or perhaps, vice versa.) You may not want to think about it and rehash old memories, but it can help you in future relationships.

4. Allow Yourself To Grieve

I realized that God had a purpose for my capacity to grieve. To weep. To shed tears of sorrow. God didn’t put my ability to mourn for nothing. As Bo Sanchez puts it: It has a crucial purpose -for the healing of our wounds. Let’s not be afraid to weep for our failures or hurts. And grieve before the Lord.

5. Don’t Shortcut the Healing Process

Breakup is so complex, I tell you. It is something so difficult to face, seems like every day is a battle, a journey to find yourself that was lost in the process of loving someone so much. I let myself feel every pain that goes through it. From there I had learned to pull myself together and emerge stronger than before. Pain would never be far, that’s for sure, but I thought I’d be better prepared to deal with it.

6. Learn the Art of Acceptance

Honestly, I fell apart when it finally became clear that we weren’t getting anywhere, at least not together. I was hurt and left unaided. But I realized that I can really have no control over to what he will choose. And it is something we have to accept and respect for our partner. Yes, it wasn’t easy. But it will happen eventually. Once the process of acceptance came up to me, I started pulling myself together, figured out what to do, and tried my best to start over. And everything had worked out right.

7. I Can Have A Life That Doesn’t Include Him At All

At one point, I envisioned a future with my boyfriend (well, who doesn’t?) and couldn’t imagine what my life would be like without him. After breakup, I found myself saying ‘I dunno how to have a life without him in it’. Still, I know I can, it will really just takes time to adjust. Don’t ever think its impossible; I learned that I can have an even better life than I did before. But it doesn’t mean I regret that he was once part of my life, coz I was thankful for those times and perhaps he was exactly what I needed then.

8. There is No Excuse for Certain Actions

In a relationship, we can sometimes be blinded by love. There were times when I forgave certain actions I know I probably shouldn’t have, after the breakup, I realize what those things were and how I should have reacted differently. Now, there’s a good chance I won’t let them happen again.

9. Let Forgiveness Come To You

At some point, though its already been a year ago, I know deep in my heart that maybe what I just wanted was for him to have the courage to face me and apologize for breaking my heart. Atleast a simple, sincere sorry. (I wonder if I am asking for too much) It is so hard to forgive people especially those ones who doesn’t even asked for it. However, I realized that I needed to forgive. Not for his sake, but for mine. Forgiveness doesn’t necessary mean you’ll go back to the same level of relationship as before. Forgiveness doesn’t mean you have to open yourself again to be hurt by the same person. I learned that forgiveness is indeed a decision so that one can have a complete healing.

10. Forgive yourself.

Socially, we view the end of a relationship with a negative connotation and give it the label of ‘failure’. I, for one, has really considered it as a failure. Especially on my part, since I was the one who has been left behind. I blame myself over and over again. And I know I’d been too hard on myself. Fortunately, I realized as I venture on the journey of moving on, that just because a relationship has ended does not mean that the relationship was a failure, most especially if you know you’ve done your part and given all the love you have. Both of us likely gained something substantial in either learning about ourselves or for the benefit of future relationships.

11. Healing or Moving On Shouldn’t Stop

Healing will never be complete. My sister was right when she told me that I shouldn’t stop moving on even for a minute, coz the moment I stopped and thought that I am completely ok, it will all go back to how it started. So don’t. It is not a good thing to say that you’re completely healed or moved on, coz I learned that it will just lower my guard. It will make me relax my resistance. Because the healing process never stops. Moving on is indeed a working progress.

12. Other Things May Change Us, But We Will Always Start And End With Our Family.

They might be the ones who felt most neglected during the span of our relationships with someone. But believe me, they are the ones who will be there behind our back. Helping us pick up the pieces, pushing us to get through. Indeed, knowing that no matter the pain that could have been caused by a knight in shining armor who failed to keep his promise, I did not lose sight of what is more lasting - the ties that will never be broken. My Family and Dearest Friends.

13. Surrender Everything to God.

No challenge is ever presented to us, if we are un-able to handle it. Still, it is not wrong to ask for His guidance especially during those times you don’t know where to go. It happened to me. One afternoon, I found myself in a church, in front of the altar, crying and pouring my heart out. And it had became my refuge since then. Eventually in His time, He will provide us the answers we need to know and understand. Don’t lose faith. He has better plans. Just Pray. And Pray Harder.

**Through it all, I was able to capture the beauty of time we shared together, and note the valuable life lessons learned. I was thankful for having experienced love, and know that I have become a more better and stronger person because of it. A big difference actually varies on the way you behaved or how you handled yourself after the breakup. And I do hope that I was able to go through it with grace…

For those currently in relationships, cherish and honor your partner for who they are as form and formless Beings. Accept the reality that life is full of change, and dance with the changes and challenges as they come. And when they come, view each one as an opportunity for personal growth – when you do that, nothing is lost.

All is well, and so be it.

Continual sense of not being accepted. When we grow up thinking no one truly likes us, lack of confidence and shyness can easily develop and carry on into adulthood. Personal tragedy such as a broken home, the sudden death of a close family member or a job loss can trigger this feeling. Poor reflection of the physical body. Self esteem can be damaged due to body shape, weight, hair loss, skin marks, height or other physical traits. A sense of shame and self-consciousness can infiltrate daily life. Feeling less important in comparison to others. For example, comparing intelligence, looks, wealth, achievements, education, or anything else that could create self-doubt. A Failure-in-Life attitude. A severe setback in a personal relationship, career, or health could have devastating effects to someone’s self image.

Bakit nga kaya tuwing Valentines Day na lang nagbibigay ng bulaklak ang ibang kalalakihan? Nawala na ba yung lumang panliligaw na kahit santan lang o sampaguita eh ibibigay ito sa babae masabi lang na importante at nirerespeto niya ito? Na handa niyang pitasin ang lahat ng bulaklak maialay lang sa kanyang babaeng nililigawan o kaya naman eh minamahal.

Minsan nga impromptu pa ang nangyayari, bibili lang ng Rosas, galing pa sa bulsa ng magulang niya, at hindi sa kanya. Masabing makakapagbigay siya ng rosas o ng anumang bulaklak. 

Sige bigyan na natin ng credit ang mga taong ganun, pero iba talaga kapag pinag ipunan mo at galing ito sa puso. Yung pinaghirapan mo yung lahat ng bagay na ibibigay mo. Pero ok din naman at nagkaroon ng effort pa manghingi ng pera ang iba dahil nga naman malay natin kung wala talaga silang pera ngayon hindi ba?

Nasaan na nga kaya ang mga masusugid na lalakeng handang magbigay ng bulaklak kahit hindi araw ng mga puso? Kahit na iba na ang henerasyon ngayon, hindi ba’t isa rin namang nakakatuwang bagay sa parte ng babae ang makakuha ng bulaklak? Dahil isa rin sa sinisimbolo ng rosas eh ang kagandahan. At lalo na ang respeto at pag galang mo sa kanya bilang babae.

Ayan ang tunay na lalake.

Real Self Confidence and Esteem is based in emotion, not a self image
To build self confidence and overcome low self esteem is to change how we feel emotionally about ourselves. To change our emotion requires changing two different core beliefs about self image. The first core belief is obvious. It is the belief that we are not good enough. It may have a more specific association to how we look, how smart we are, money, or lack of confidence sexually. The second core belief to change is the image of success that we feel we should be. Changing this belief is contrary to logic, but is a must if we are to overcome insecurity and raise our self esteem.